The thirst for sex and bringing in more consciousness
For most of my life, when it comes to sexual interactions, I’ve been driven by what I call my animal-body.
The animal-body is the primal and wildest part of a human psyche. Like animals, it is connected with the body and focused in its desires (food, water, sex and warmth), it is the part of us that keep us safe in dangerous situations, wants to procreate and survive at any cost. It is guided by body senses (smells, sounds, visuals, touch and energies around) and isn’t necessarily rational.
So, using that definition, when it comes to sexual interaction, if my animal-body is “thirsty” (wants sex), it wants to drink and would do almost everything for it– it’s like a part of me goes into a kind of survival mode.
I’m not here to shame the animal-body, it is doing what it is supposed to do– although it has created many problems and undesirable behaviours such as manipulation, being “pushy” to have sex, and regrets after many “one night stands”.
It also created sexual experiences without my heart, and other inner tender parts of me, being onboard.
The consequences of my behaviour affected not only myself (regrets), but also others because I was manipulating– pretending that I was into that person just to have sex with them. Then once I got what I wanted, I didn’t want anything else and all I said before fell apart, leaving me with a situation that I have to “manage”. This is sad and irresponsible with others because many times I hurt their feelings, and it is irresponsible with me as I felt shame and hurt for doing it.
The animal-body is an incredible resource we have, it is the most primal part of us, it keeps us safe in dangerous situations, it is connected with our instincts, nature, and is our vitality and virility. In my own journey, both not understanding it and trying not to be controlled by it, I suppressed it and became tamed. I lacked vital energy, without passion running through my veins.I felt powerless and not attractive to others.
So if taming is not the way, and letting it run wild is dangerous, what is there to do?
It is an inquiry that I have, and have been exploring for a long time. I won't pretend that I got it all figured out, because I don’t. But, recently I found a clue within the universe of my own journey… It came through as: “ride with your animal”.
What does this mean to me, to ride with my animal?
The best analogy to explain it is the scene in the Avatar movie when the forest-dweller rides an animal, they connect their body with the animal and become one with them.
How does it show up in my life?
Well, firstly, I’m not afraid of my inner animal taking over the show in an irresponsible way anymore. I cannot hide behind my actions and not take responsibility for my behaviour because now I’m connected with it, riding together, honouring its desires, AND I’m communicating it clearly to my lovers so to act within consent and with consciousness.
I feel passionate and life is running in my veins, my lover feels its power, and its desire for them. My animal-body is connected with my heart AND it wants to devour and ravish, which when done in with consciousness can be a big “turn on” for my partners. They do not fear or worry that it would hurt them (physically or emotionally) because they feel the love that is there.
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